


I Knew Before I Knew    Kyoya, Tamaki  || OHSHC

by Memento__Mori



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Beginnings, Gay Ootori Kyouya, Grumpy Fluff, Homosexual or otherwise, How many times will people ask the same question?, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm in love with a guy, Idiots in Love, Introspective Kyoya Ootori, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Self-Discovery, When did I know I was Gay?, it's complicated - Freeform, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 03:21:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30032253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memento__Mori/pseuds/Memento__Mori
Summary: They always ask, awkwardly, shyly, blushing or boldly.How did I know I was gay?When I fell hopelessly for him, slowly, obliviously in love.
Relationships: Ootori Kyouya/Suoh Tamaki
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	I Knew Before I Knew    Kyoya, Tamaki  || OHSHC

## I Knew Before I Knew Kyoya, Tamaki || OHSHC

I.  
I cannot pinpoint the moment  
That I knew he was mine –  
My Sun, the warmth I had lacked  
These few years on a cold earth

Sparks flew from him  
Drew me in  
From the angle of his lips  
Right before he called my name,  
Leapt upon me  
With that crazed embrace  
Professing fondness,  
Fondness and a joy  
I could not place...

But still I stood  
To bear his weight.

It was right.

It was right that he called me his.  
I knew  
Even then, at the start.

He claimed me–  
Simply, boldly  
He wrapped himself around me  
I – – stiff, startled  
But not as annoyed  
As I felt my face reflected.

It felt right, but I resented his effortless glow  
His light, those limbs  
Fixing me in place  
Held in a fire  
That I felt and denied

Felt and denied  
Though it lingered long  
After he flew away  
To his next enthusiasm.

He left me warm  
He left me wanting.

I hated him for it,  
That feeling, _that_ feeling I understood.  
I wanted more.

Somehow, I knew before _I knew._

II.  
The next day and the next  
I found myself  
Supporting his weight  
(Heavier than guessed)  
As he cried dreams in my ear –  
Desires I would meet  
Yes, desires, his  
Became mine somehow.  
I missed the moment  
But not the glimmer,  
That glow of his, that was _mine_.

Seamlessly, we became  
Lifter and uplifted  
Dark and light  
Irritable, inseparable –  
A point of passion  
Grew

I knew before I knew.

I gladly bore his  
Heavier body  
Tightly wrapped  
Around my own

As he cried out  
My unlikely praises

I knew before I knew.

III.  
I came to anticipate  
Each leap  
With borrowed heat  
And when his legs wrapped, trapped  
My hips in place  
Golden arms pinning my own  
Helpless to my sides  
It was right.

I would provide.  
I would chase dreams for him –  
Just to feel that smile on my cheek

I knew before I knew  
Tamaki  
That my dream  
Was you.

**Author's Note:**

> First draft, comments welcome, encouragement or constructive criticism, kudos if you choose. I know this isn't the typical coming-out style writing that people are used to; but it happened, showed up as a poem for a character. 
> 
> Of all the things I've posted, this was probably the hardest to choose to share. Go figure, no smut, no explicit anything, and it was more difficult to let out into this part of the world. Thank you for reading, and your support.


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